Confrontation

CONFRONTATION

The moment when we hear the word confrontation, fear fills us, and our inside shivers. why we get this fear, and from where it comes? Yes! It comes from our past experiences. When we analyze the past experiences, our old hurt feelings or; some painful experience that we had gone through comes to our surface mind. We might have also experienced, some negative experience like misunderstanding relationship got broken. So as a result of all these we have fear, even to hear this word pronounced we are afraid. Is it not true? FROM YOUR EXPERIENCE can you add anything more..?? or even

THERE ARE TWO TRUTHINIT.

1) I AM HURT BY OTHERS.

2) OTHERS ARE HURT BY ME.

Let us first discuss and discover our self.

1) When I am confronted I'm hurt or deeply hurt.

Let us be honest with our self and ask why? Why am I hurt? Truth always hurts us. I was hurt not because or other ones words. The truth is - I' was unaware about that part of mine. So when suddenly, unexpected time... when this unknown truth about myself was revealed. I am unable to accept it. What happens to me - my hurt

ego' defends or fights to prove that I am not that person as you think or say. Instead or taking these words into self- air, our self rejects that truth. The result of this is, self gets into 'pity' and we play the game of 'poor me' so we cry for sympathy, our friends, some times wrongly support us, or our Parent saying, 'anyway she should not have said that or her words are very hash, she is very judgmental.... so on. 'Hearing this "poor me" is comforted & strengthened... And self says, 'I'm ok the other person is not ok. This untruth goes on within self and gives self-talk... as a result. We make self agreement saying, I'm not going to relate any more with her or my relationship is over for ever.... so non...

2nd point

When we confront others, - we experienced the reaction of others, like shouting, - fighting, crying or make a big drama of it.... experiencing this we say to our self "no mare confrontation" this is my first & last, better to wear a mask & pretend to be good. To some strong personalities I will wear gloves.... If we go to the root cause of our keep this reaction & fear within us? fear... is it not this two?? Is it good to Is it not harming others and our growth?? How to work on this?

1. when I am hurt

Step One.

After all the reactions, sit with yourself and ask your 'ego". Is it any truth in it?? If the spirit, 'could ask your 'ego' why are you hurt?? If this dialogue could go on within you... I say... slowly your spirit will unveil the curtain which was covering that part of you, then slowly your 'hurt ego' will see the truth.... Pray for that person and thank God & thank that person.

Step 2. Own up

What is very, very important, and most of us fail to do is this. That is why we don't change.... heart & heart we know it is wrong - but we fail to 'own up' so our 'ego' hardens & it changes our consciousness... it is easy to pray & thank God but I tell you, IT IS HARD TO GO BACK, In the beginning, we have to force ourselves & take few forward steps. And go back to her and say 'thanks' for revealing that part of 'Me' to me. Sorry, for my reactions.... If we can do this..... I tell you.... it is something beautiful and we slowly open ourselves & grow.

This owning up, will heal our hurts, next time less hurt - 3rd time, no more hurt, 4th time we'll welcome it. This helps our 'ego' to keep it open to receive it. The fruit of this, Our relationship grows with that person. Is it not

something beautiful? Once it is opened it is opened for ever. Then it is easy to do self less service. All what is needed is 'give a touch, it will grow'.

2nd Point.

WHEN WE EXPERIENCED WHEN I HURT OTHERS. ANXITY, INSECURITY ABOUT PEOPLE'S REACTION, FEAR, THE RELATIONSHIP SETTLED WITH US. WE JUST LEAVE THEM ASIDE. THIS FEELING TOO DISTURBS US.

Ist Step

Be sincere with YOUR SELF AND OWN UP. SAY TO YOUR SELF, 'I am disturbed', And ask your self, did I hurt her with my tone. or words? Did I go too powerfully to her? Did I say more than she could take in? And so on. Put little more question to your self. You will know the truth. THEN GO BACK TO HER, AND SAY 'I AM SORRY'. THIS OWNING UP WILL HELP BOTH.

It will go as a healing tonic to her, and you will not keep her a loaf. You will not suffer from anxiety or insecurity. Also you will not make any wrong agreement to your self-saying', no more confrontation in my life'.

How to prevent hurting others.

Ist point

1. Check your intention, why

you want to confront the other? Thus purify your intention.

2. Check your self whether you both have basic relationship with each other?

3. See the environment. Be sensitive to her pulse. (Time, situation, condition of her health...etc.) Give what she can swallow.

4. Be careful with your tone, and words.

5. Don't demand FOR THE CHANGE (By your tone or words) -Do not make it a condition for love. That will break the relationship.

6. Respect the freedom of others. They will grow in their own way & time. (slow/fast)

7. Before doing 'just reflect on it'. Pray over it. Decide in your mind, and then do it..

8. Make sure that the other person feels that you are concerned about her/him.

2nd point

How to prevent hurting myself.

1. Say to your self, that person is in love with you and she is concerned about you. Believe her love!

2. How she said is not important, what she said is important.

3. Be sincere with your self and ask your self, whether there is any truth in what she said?

4. Own up. Pray to God to accept. Change what you can, accept what you cannot change, and for the grace to know the difference.

5. Thank her, for giving little light for you. As you purify yourself, ask God to bless her/him, As a fruit of it. You'll see your relationship grow become closer/closer. You'll become friend, close friend & intimate friend..

Keep in mind, in both points, owning up is important

This reminds me, of one of my reflection

I was watching a lily, from bud to flower, Of course it took days no doubt - it is a process, but I tell you, watching the process, opened myself & filled me with joy. Yes our 'ego' when it comes to the world. It is a bud. It has to grow -slowly it has to open. For this we need help from others and self. The self need to take effort of opening. Growing is painful but I say - it is beautiful, because we are meant to be that. Let us open - so that many bees can come & take the Honey from us. We will fulfil the aim for what we have come to the earth.

Let us challenge each other & grow too. grow. Let us help each other to

- Dr. Sr. M. Amalavathy