It is all about FEAR
Namaste Brothers and Sisters,
When I was 14 years of age, I started getting fear for Lizard and it continued to increase from then. The fear was like – the lizard may fall on me, what to do if it falls on me, and when I see its movement and its body structure, especially the white lizard, I used to get vibration in my body. I myself started to assume that I am scared to lizard. When I was 18 years of age, when I was in kitchen preparing coffee and serving, the lizard came on my dress and it was not falling down nor not going away from my dress, I screamed and throw all the coffee in the house and I got nice beatings from my parents. But good thing is that whenever I see the lizard that day will be my best day and happiest day. Even when I go to rest room if I see lizard, I used to scream and my parents used to come and kill it or send it away from the rest room. These all about my fear to lizard.
In December 2019, I joined HUE class and after I started practicing HUE techniques, with the help of instructor, I came to know that I have fear and because of that I have wheezing problem. I started to work out on it and overcome layer by layer.
Let me share the root cause of my fear.
When I was 9 months old, I was taken away from my mother by my aunty (Mother’s elder sister) and she took care of me since then. At the age of 13, my aunt, her husband (father’s brother), and myself shifted to Bangalore. They admitted me in the school for 8th std and my parents name in school certificate got changed to my aunt and uncle name, who brought up me. My uncle was working as lecturer in the same school/college where I got my 8th std admission. When his colleagues started to question him is she (me) your daughter? he used to tell “No, she is my brother’s daughter”. When they used to question me whose daughter you are? I used to tell his (my uncle) name.
The thing is that at that age I knew the truth that who are my real parents (biological parents), but as it was registered in my mind that my own parents dint took care of me and these people are my parents who brought me up with love, I should not hurt them by telling the truth and I restricted the truth inside me. This is where the fear started for me. I started avoiding the people who questions me about whose daughter you are. I started thinking if I speak to them they may ask me about my parents. If they ask, I con’t tell truth and not happy telling lies also. But, still continued telling lies that these are my parents because these people names are in my school records.
This continued whole my life. Even these parents started telling that I am the only one daughter to them, especially the aunt, who took me from my mom, because she dint had kids and she don’t wanted to tell that I am not her biological daughter. So it continued and I started leading my life on this lie.
Even when my marriage got fixed, I shared/told all my personal things to my husband before marriage except my real parents. Even when my biological mom came to see the guy and his family, she mentioned that I am her sister’s daughter and I am the only one daughter to her sister. I dint got guts to tell my husband about my real parents. It was restricted inside me. Whole husband side family people still thinks that I am the only one daughter to my parents and these aunt and uncle are my real parents.
What I wanted to tell here is after coming to HUE and working out, with the help of instructor’s guidance I came to know that I have restricted the truth inside me. My soul wants to tell the truth about my parents, but because of fear I dint.
The fear is like – “what happens if my husband comes to know about my real parents? What will happen if his family members comes to know or how they question me or treat my husband? They may scold me because I hide the truth”. I started putting conditions like no one should know about this truth, because it may affect my marriage life. This is where it got related to lizard fear.
“It may fall (people may question me whose daughter you are), what happens if it falls (what to answer if they question me), vibration in my body when it moves in front of me (vibration in my body when truth comes in front of me).”
When I was attending Intermediate level I class, instructors told me to tell the truth with husband and ask sorry. So with the help of instructors and prayers of HUE family I told the truth and asked sorry to my husband. When I asked sorry, he told “I knew this before only I was just waiting it to come from your mouth.” I felt relaxed and my fear went off at that time.
But, later I started conditioning again, if husband side people comes to know about this they may scold me and as well as him or question him, so let this truth reveal if off, but not today, not tomorrow, let this reveal some other day when everything is okay, when people are ready to accept me... This is where I started restricting again.
When I was auditing Basic level class, with the help of instructor, I got wisdom that when we have trust in God and by surrendering our self completely to God, God will take care and God knows when to reveal the truth. When everything goes as per God’s wish, everyone will be happy.
Now, I completely surrendered myself to God. So no worries about revealing the truth. Let it happen as per God’s wish. God is there.
I would like to thank all the HUE family members for your support.
with love,
Mrs. Thanuja ( Bangalore)
